Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor finds himself the topic of year’s cracker jokes
- Oasis, David Harbour, Celebrity Traitors and Angela Rayner all feature in this year's top 10 gags
- TV channel U&GOLD challenged the nation to come up with the best topical Christmas cracker jokes for annual competition – now in its thirteenth year
- Louvre heist, Sabrina Carpenter and Nigel Farage’s constituency all feature in stellar list that pokes fun at year’s biggest moments
- The winning festive joke for 2025: “Why is Prince Andrew not writing any Christmas books? He hasn’t got any titles!”
A joke about the former Prince Andrew losing his titles, now known as Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor, has been crowned the winner of an annual competition to find the best new Christmas cracker joke.
“Why is Prince Andrew not writing any Christmas books? He hasn’t got any titles” came out on top of the yearly cracker joke competition.Further gags about the former Duke of York, Oasis’ reunion, pop star Sabrina Carpenter and the Louvre burglary also feature in the top cracker funnies from 2025.
The winning jokes have been announced by the nation’s favourite comedy channel, U&GOLD, as part of its annual festive competition (now in its thirteenth year) to find the very best Christmas cracker jokes inspired by the events of 2025.
“Why don’t Noel and Liam want to open their presents early on Christmas morning? They need a little time to wake up” and “What is a French burglar's favourite Christmas film? Louvre, Actually”, were two of the jokes to make the top five.
U&GOLD challenged the British public to submit their festive funnies, which were then shortlisted by a panel of judges and put to an anonymous public vote of 2,000 British adults.
U&GOLD’s top 10 funniest new Christmas cracker jokes for 2025 are revealed as:
- Why is Prince Andrew not writing any Christmas books? He hasn’t got any titles!
- Why don’t Noel and Liam want to open their presents early on Christmas morning? They need a little time to wake up.
- Which pop star carves her own wooden Nativity scene? Sabrina Carpenter
- What do Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor and a snowman have in common? They're both out in the cold.
- What is a French burglar's favourite Christmas film? Louvre, Actually.
- Could Lily Allen and David Harbour get back together for Christmas? Stranger Things have happened!
- Why won’t Angela Rayner get any Christmas presents this year? Santa can’t decide which address to deliver to.
- What is Claudia Winkleman's favourite part of Christmas dinner? The Taters
- Does Celia Imrie beat her family at Christmas party games? Yes, she trumps them all
- Where has Santa been more than Nigel Farage - His house in Clacton
Jokes just missing out on the top 10 included quips on President Trump, “Why does Trump's Christmas turkey have a piece missing? He carved up the East Wing” and the Prime Minister, “What’s the difference between Keir Starmer and Jesus? Jesus could put together a solid cabinet”,
The annual joke competition celebrates U&GOLD’s seasonal TV lineup, which includes classic festive episodes of some of the nation’s favourite comedies, ranging from Dad’s Army to The Fast Show and The Vicar of Dibley – alongside much-loved Only Fools and Horses, set to air on Christmas day.
Comedy critic and editor of comedy website, Beyond the Joke Bruce Dessau, who led the U&GOLD judging panel, says, “An absolutely stellar list of jokes this year – possibly one of our best ever in the thirteen years U&GOLD has been running this competition! 2025 has featured a number of news-worthy moments, and there’s a real mix of topical jokes here that poke fun at some of the year’s headlines! Big congratulations to all the winners, and well done to everyone who entered this year.”
Gerald Casey, Director of Programme, Comedy and Entertainment, UKTV says, “Congratulations to our 2025 winners! Another fantastic year of hilarious entries, showing that the British public are a funny as ever when it comes to the news. We hope to spread even more Christmas cheer with our festive U&GOLD Christmas programming, including much-loved classic episodes from the likes of The Vicar of Dibley, The Fast Show and Only Fools and Horses.”
The author of the winning joke, Ben Smith, from Chelmsford, received the top prize of £1,500 towards a holiday, a festive hamper and a box of bespoke U&GOLD Christmas Crackers.
The top six jokes are included within bespoke boxes of U&GOLD’s Christmas crackers, which will be presented to this year’s winners.
All the jokes voted on by the British public are original content to the best of U&GOLD’s knowledge.
-ENDS-
For further information please contact:
Alex Butler: alex.butler@taylorherring.com
Notes for editors:
Dedicated to celebrating the best of British comedy, U&GOLD is the nation's favourite comedy channel.
Classic British comedy series loved by all the family sit comfortably alongside new U&Original scripted comedies crafted by some of the nation's finest comedic minds, such as Dad's Army: The Lost Episodes, Blood Actually: A Murder They Hope Mystery, The Cockfields and Sandylands.
Meanwhile U&GOLD's unscripted series reunite the stars and partnerships of the nation's best-loved shows to get to the heart of what makes them so evergreen - from passion projects such as French & Saunders: Funny Women, Billy Connolly Does..., Ricky and Ralf's Very Northern Road Trip and Alison and Larry: Billericay To Barry to the retrospective likes of Blackadder: The Lost Pilot, The Royle Family: Down The Back of the Sofa, dinnerladies diaries, Absolutely Fabulous: Inside Out, The Fast Show: Just A Load of Blooming Catchphrases.
U&GOLD is the perfect tonic to make you laugh whatever the time of day.