Jokes about Trump, Brexit, Kanye West and Love Island feature in annual festive gag competition


Top 15 Modern Christmas Cracker Jokes Revealed

  • The winning joke: "What does Donald Trump do after he pulls a cracker? Pays her off."
  • TV channel Gold challenged the nation to come up with the best topical Christmas cracker jokes for sixth year running
  • Puns about the Royals, Network Rail and the Kardashians also got the country giggling

A joke about US President Donald Trump has been revealed as the winner of a national competition to come up with the best new modern Christmas cracker joke.

Other topical moments in 2018's news agenda have also been used as material for the top 15 festive funnies, including Love Island, Harry and Meghan's wedding, the dance trend of flossing and political blunders from world politicians including Boris Johnson and Theresa May.

Now in its sixth year, the jokes are the result of an annual festive competition run by TV channel Gold, which challenges the British public to come up with the best topical and modern Christmas cracker jokes, which are then voted for by the British public.

The Top 15 funniest new Christmas cracker jokes for 2018 are revealed as:

  1. What does Donald Trump do after he pulls a cracker? Pays her off
  2. Why is Theresa May encouraging board games at Christmas? Because she's trying to bring back Chequers
  3. Why has Debenhams been forced to cancel its Christmas nativity play? No prophet
  4. What does Philip Green buy former employees for Christmas? Their silence
  5. When do sheep practice their new dance? While shepherds watched them floss by night
  6. What's the difference between the Love Island villa and the stable where Jesus was born? The stable has had some wise men in it
  7. Why does Kim Kardashian hate Christmas so much? She's always the butt of the Christmas cracker jokes
  8. What is Meghan buying Harry, William and Charles for Christmas? Suits
  9. Why was everyone hungover after Roxanne Pallett's Christmas Party? She misjudged the strength of the punch
  10. Why did Donald Trump invite Kanye West round to help with his Christmas presents? Because Kanye is Trump's favourite wrapper
  11. What's the biggest complaint about Network Rail's Christmas seasoning? They keep changing the thyme
  12. Why has Boris Johnson bought mistletoe this year? Because he's tired of being in the single market
  13. What's the only thing that goes on longer than Christmas? Harry and Meghan's wedding preacher
  14. What did Banksy serve with his Christmas turkey? Shred sauce
  15. Who won the North Pole Love Island? Dani Deer

For the sixth year running, Gold, which has rebranded to Christmas Gold for December, challenged the British public to tweet original festive gags for the competition. These were shortlisted by a panel of judges (led by comedy critic Bruce Dessau) and put to an anonymous public vote of 2,000 British adults to reveal the winning jokes. The top six jokes are included within bespoke boxes of Christmas Gold crackers, which were presented to this year's winners.

The annual joke competition celebrates the channel's seasonal TV scheduling, which includes classic festive episodes of Britain's best loved comedies such as The Vicar of Dibley, Blackadder and Mrs Brown's Boys. Brand new UKTV Originals to Gold this year are Death On The Tyne, which reunites Johnny Vegas and Sian Gibson in the sequel to Gold's biggest ever commission Murder on the Blackpool Express, and Morecambe & Wise in America, featuring footage of Eric and Ernie performances that have never been seen in the UK.

Comedy critic Bruce Dessau, who headed up the Gold judging panel, says,

One thing that can be relied upon in increasingly unpredictable times is that whatever is going on in the world the great British public will always retain their sense of humour. From subjects ranging from Brexit and Meghan Markle to flossing and Love Island, there are jokes here to tickle the funny bones of any Yuletide grinch. And the joke that was chosen as number one shows it's definitely a case of Top Trumps for Christmas this year.

Gerald Casey, Gold channel director, says,

The festive period is a time for reflecting on the year that's gone by and, despite the madness of 2018, it's fantastic to see that as a country, we can still find laughter in the madness!

The author of the winning joke, Mikel Huz, received £1,500 towards a holiday and a box of bespoke Gold Christmas Crackers, one of which will contain his own gag.

All of the jokes voted on by the 2,000 British public are original content to the best of Gold's knowledge.

Christmas Gold is showing festive comedy favourites every night throughout December

Sky 110, Virgin 124, BT and TalkTalk 310
On demand on Sky, Virgin and Now TV
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Further information please contact:
Alex Butler or Caitlin Marsh
Taylor Herring PR / 0208 2065151

Survey information The Gold poll of 2,000 Brits was carried out to highlight Christmas Gold's festive programming which shows festive TV favourites every evening in the run-up to Christmas.

The survey was carried out on behalf of Gold by OnePoll in November 2018. 2,000 British adults picked their top five favourite jokes from the shortlist judged by a panel of Gold judges.

All of the jokes voted on by the 2,000 British adults are original content to the best of Gold's knowledge.

Notes to Editors

About Gold
Sky 110, Virgin 124, BT and TalkTalk 310 On demand on Sky, Virgin and Now TV

Dedicated to celebrating the best of British comedy, Gold is the nation's favourite comedy channel. Much-loved comedy series such as Only Fools and Horses, The Vicar of Dibley and The Royle Family sit alongside an array of successful UKTV Originals including David Jason: My Life on Screen, The Rebel, The Story of Only Fools and Horses, and Murder on the Blackpool Express, which stars a stunning cast including Johnny Vegas and Sian Gibson. The feature length UKTV Original attracted 1.72 million viewers in its first week in 2017, making it Gold's highest ever rating show.

The perfect tonic to make you laugh whatever the time of day, Gold shows universally funny content that everyone can enjoy. | @goldchannel

About UKTV
UKTV is a commercial broadcaster reaching almost 40m viewers every month.

The award-winning independent has eleven imaginative brands - UKTV Play, Dave, W, Gold, Alibi, Yesterday, Drama, Really, Home, Eden and Good Food. These include the two most popular non-PSB channels in the UK and account for nearly 10% of the British commercial TV market.

The network delivers inspired channels to audiences through Freeview, Sky, Virgin Media, BT, TalkTalk, YouView, Freesat, Amazon Fire and UKTV Play, and distributes its highly valued original programmes to 200 territories. Now celebrating over 20 years at the forefront of digital television, UKTV - an independent commercial joint venture between BBC Studios and Discovery, Inc. - is proud to be the first British television broadcaster in The Sunday Times top 100 companies list. | | @uktvpress