Gags about the Prime Minister, Stormzy and the Kardashians feature in annual festive joke competition

Christmas Crackers
  • The winning joke: "Why was Theresa May sacked as Nativity Manager? She couldn't run a stable government."
  • TV channel Gold challenged British public for fifth year to come up with the best topical cracker jokes this Christmas
  • Puns about Donald Trump, Southern Rail and Stormzy also got nation giggling
  • Twitter entries to the competition keep gags short and sweet for best Christmas cracker laughs

Tuesday 12 December 2017

A joke about British Prime Minister Theresa May's 'stable' government has been unveiled as the winner of a national competition to write the best modern Christmas cracker joke.

Festive puns referring to other topical moments in 2017's news agenda, such as Ryanair's recent piloting problems, Brexit, The Kardashians and political blunders from world leaders including Kim Jong Un and Donald Trump, also made it into the top 20 list of gags. TV channel Gold challenged the British public to come up with the best topical and modern Christmas cracker jokes - which were voted for by the British public - for the comedy channel's annual festive competition, which is now in its fifth year.

The Top 20 funniest festive jokes for 2017 are revealed as:

  1. Why was Theresa May sacked as Nativity Manager? She couldn't run a stable government
  2. Why don't Southern Rail train guards share Advent Calendars? They want to open the doors themselves
  3. What's the difference between Ryanair and Santa? Santa flies at least once a year
  4. Kim Jong Un will play Santa this year in the South's annual pantomime. He said he fancied a Korea change
  5. Why did Donald Trump continuously decorate the Christmas tree? Because people kept saying 'moron' to him
  6. Why was the planned Ryanair TV documentary scrapped? They were unable to air a pilot
  7. Which TV Christmas special is being filmed in Brussels this year? Deal or No Deal
  8. Theresa May has asked Santa for a home makeover this year. First thing on the list was a new Cabinet
  9. What did Bruce Forsyth say when the Christmas pheasant repeated on him? 'Good game, good game'
  10. Why did Jeremy Corbyn ask people not to eat sprouts on Christmas day? He wants to give peas a chance
  11. Which supermarket did best in the Holy Land? Oh Lidl, crown of Bethlehem
  12. Why did the Irishman put Khloe, Kim and Kourtney Kardashian in his living room at Xmas? He wanted an artificial tree
  13. Where does Jeremy Corbyn hang his Christmas stocking? On the far left
  14. Why are there only 11 days of Christmas this year? Because the Three French Hens got stuck at border control
  15. Why was Theresa May asked to play the donkey in this year's Nativity? They needed someone who was a little horse
  16. How do you ruin Stormzy's Christmas? Criticise his wrapping
  17. What's Donald Trump's favourite flavour Quality Street? Covfefe Cream
  18. What keeps Spain from buying Christmas socks that match? Matalan separatists
  19. The Queen's Christmas message has been cancelled this year as there's no more Monarch
  20. What's the difference between David Davis and Santa Claus? Santa always delivers

Wannabe comedians and jovial jokesters were challenged to post their original festive gags on Twitter for the competition, which were then put to an anonymous public vote to reveal the winning jokes. First launched five years ago, the competition was created to brighten up the festive season after it was revealed that nearly three quarters of Brits thought that traditional cracker jokes were in need of a makeover.

The channel has become synonymous with classic festive comedy and has been officially renamed Christmas Gold in the run up to the big day. The annual joke competition celebrates the channel's seasonal TV scheduling, which includes special episodes of Britain's best loved comedies such as Only Fools and Horses, The Royle Family and Gavin & Stacey.

Joke entries were submitted to Gold via Twitter and shortlisted by a panel of judges (led by comedy critic Bruce Dessau), before being put to a public vote of 2,000 British adults. The top six jokes are included within bespoke boxes of Christmas Gold crackers, which were presented to this year's winners.

Comedy critic Bruce Dessau, who headed up the Gold judging panel, says,

In a world that seems to have turned upside down in recent years, there is something wonderfully reassuring about the fact that people have still retained their sense of humour and come up with some inspired gags for this year's Gold Christmas Crackers competition. The subjects of the jokes that were entered reflects the issues that concern the country today; from Brexit and Donald Trump to Bruce Forsyth and Southern Rail, people have still been able to find the funny side.

Gerald Casey, Channel Director of Christmas Gold at UKTV, says,

The festive period brings about a lot of time for reflection on the year that's gone by and with so many tumultuous events happening around the world in 2017, it's good to see that the famous British wit is still sharp as ever.

The author of the winning joke, Samuel Williams, received £1,500 towards a holiday and a box of bespoke Gold Christmas Crackers, one of which will contain his own gag.

All of the jokes voted on by the 2,000 British public are original content to the best of Gold's knowledge.

Christmas Gold is showing their festive TV favourites every night throughout December
Sky 110, Virgin 124, BT and TalkTalk 408
On demand on Sky, Virgin and Now TV
For more information visit
@GoldTVChannel / #GoldCrackers

Further information please contact Alex Butler
Taylor Herring PR / 0208 2065151

Notes to Editors:

The Gold poll of 2,000 Brits was carried out to highlight Christmas Gold's festive programming which shows festive TV favourites every evening in the run up to Christmas.

The survey was carried out on behalf of Gold by OnePoll in November 2017. 2,000 British adults picked their top five favourite jokes from the shortlist judged by a panel of Gold judges.

All of the jokes voted on by the 2,000 British adults are original content to the best of Gold's knowledge.

About Gold
Sky 110, Virgin 126, BT and TalkTalk 408 On demand on Sky, Virgin and Now TV Dedicated to celebrating the best of British comedy, Gold is the nation's favourite comedy channel.

Much-loved comedy series such as Only Fools and Horses, The Vicar of Dibley and Outnumbered sit alongside successful commissions including Comic Strip Presents...Red Top and Marley's Ghosts, starring Sarah Alexander and John Hannah, and the live broadcast of the final ever performance of the Monty Python Live (mostly): One Down Five to Go stage show which became the highest rating programme in Gold's history in 2014.

The perfect tonic to make you laugh whatever the time of day, Gold shows universally funny content that everyone can enjoy. | @GoldTVChannel

About UKTV
UKTV is a commercial broadcaster reaching over 40m viewers every month.

The award-winning independent has eleven imaginative brands - UKTV Play, Dave, W, Gold, Alibi, Yesterday, Drama, Really, Home, Eden and Good Food. These include the two most popular non-PSB channels in the UK and account for nearly 10% of the British commercial TV market.

The network delivers inspired channels to audiences through Freeview, Sky, Virgin Media, BT, TalkTalk, YouView, Freesat, Amazon Fire and UKTV Play, and distributes its highly valued original programmes to 200 territories. Now celebrating over 20 years at the forefront of digital television, UKTV - an independent commercial joint venture between BBC Worldwide and Scripps Networks Interactive, Inc. (SNI) - is proud to be the first British television broadcaster in The Sunday Times top 100 companies list. / / @uktvpress